OK, so one of the things you deal with when your in a divorce is the wedding ring. For me, I couldnt decide when was the appropriate time to take the ring off. I wasnt sure what was morally right and I didnt want to hurt my kids more.
For me, once the papers were filed, and things started to escalate between my ex and I, that ring became a source of pain and anger. At times I literally felt like it was weighted down my hand. I took it off a couple months after the paperwork was filed.
Once I had the ring taken off, I cant tell you how many times a day I find myself picking at the empty space on my ringer! Its strange really. I honestly cant believe the skin isn't raw sometimes. Ive thought about getting a new ring to go there, but wasn't sure what yet. One of my dear friends in the same boat, got a mother's ring and it just reminds her she is dedicated to those beautiful kids of hers. I like that idea a lot. Another friend just got a fake wedding band to help keep away the termites (that's what I call the men that seem to prey on women in this situation, that's for a further post) but I didn't really want that either. I heard about this new trend of throwing divorce parties and getting divorce rings so I looked it up. Some divorce rings are really gaudy or all about flaunting their new single life, that is SO NOT ME! I wanted something that took up that void but reminded me of my strength right now,and I came across these rings: Breakup Gems: Expressions Quotes Collection. I LOVE THESE! When I get some extra money (I know, haha, doubt that will happen) I think I want to get one! I dont know which one I will get, definitely not any that has to do with being single. Im drawn to "I am strong, I am worthy, I am beautiful" but I also like the "I love all that I am just as I am", "Today I will shine", "Loving yourself first isnt vanity its sanity", and "I have been put on this earth to do something wonderful".
I share these because so many of my friends are in the same boat. I started DivorceCare at my church this week, and I am in a very neat group of women in the same boat. A majority of them come from emotionally, verbally, and some physically abusive marriages. As women, I think we need some of these reminders, but going through a rough divorce and/or marriage, we especially need it! I think for me, this is a time to focus on rebuidling myself and making me stronger! I just love this outward symbol of that!
OMg I'm so glad I read this, because since the my divorce is finally official and its been a year since I took my ring off. I have still feel like a ring should be there and I have no idea what to replace it with. So I'm defiantly going to be looking into your suggestion. Also, that is awesome you are starting a divorce group at your church. I am currently looking for something like that while I'm looking for a new church. I will keep you in my prayers since we are both in that divorce boat. Love ya Girl.
ReplyDeleteDivorceCare is a great community of people, I learned many great lessons, and have created some great friendships. One of the greatest lessons for me was "hearing the other side" of the relationship. There is truth too about the time in between relationships, something I chose to ignore and now regret. As for the ring, while not in the same situation as you, it's stored away, out of sight. As for the space, a reminder that I think of when I see couples in love.
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