OK, so I get as a recently divorced woman, I may not be the best person to be giving any type of relationship advice, but hang in there with me people.
I have to say, I have so many friends who are married (men and women equally) and it does not seem like they are appreciating their spouse at all. It drives me crazy. It is couples who clearly love each other. But for some reason, I see one person doing everything they can to make a spouse feel loved and the other just not appreciating it at all. No, it may not be in ways the spouse sees, and there is ALWAYS two sides to every story (and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle).
When I was married the first time around, I did this Bible study with some friends called "Searching for A Superman, Watching for a Wonder Woman". Yes, it is an extremely cheesy title, but it is written by an awesome comedian and is still one of my favorite books (there is a married version). My favorite chapter in that book, and a lesson that has stayed with me, was called "Expect Nothing, Appreciate Everything". It is all about how in healthy relationships we should not expect anything from the other person. That does not mean to not have standards or to let someone walk all over you. But sometimes, especially in relationship, we seems to just start expecting things (big and little) out of the other person. And when that happens, we stop appreciating them. Maybe its things like taking out the trash, paying for dinner, cooking dinner, doing the laundry, getting the oil changed in the car, it could be anything! I just see soooo many marriages struggling because one person feels grossly under appreciated and it goes from there. And sadly, there are people in the world today who prey on married people and waiting for a vulnerable place to get their foot in. I myself, am guilty in this area. I did not appreciate fully being able to stay at home with my kids or not having to pay the bills (do not take that for meaning that I regret where I am or that if you do not appreciate your life, you will automatically end up in divorce. Nor do I think when people cheat, it is the other's persons fault in every case.)
Now doing it on my own, I see how exhausting it is to not have someone else to help carry the load. Even little things like helping start dinner when running late, or taking out the trash, or helping with kids when I am sick. So many little things that may not have been done on a regular basis, but when your doing everything, you just wish someone was there to take on just one tiny thing. So I urge you all in a relationship, examine yourself, what are you taking for granted and expecting for you mate? Show them appreciation! Show them things they do not expect!
Think how it makes you feel when someone does something for you that you did not expect in the least bit.....now go do that for them!
No expectations, no disappointments, that's how it was explained to me. Is there an audio-book version to the book you read? I'd be interested in it.....anyway doesn't this all boil down to being able to really communicate within marriage/ relationships? It has recently been shared with me that healthy people should be able to ask for what they want....I have a lot of learning to do, and far from where I want to be, but God is gracious.
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