Now that I am officially engaged, I want to talk about something that kinda annoys me and kinda makes me sad. I am sharing all of this not just on things people have said to me, but to many other brides I know and have met through some pretty awesome online groups!
A lot of times, when a woman/couple gets married and they are older or it is not their first marriage, people have a lot of opinions on what they should do and their wedding, that quite frankly, can be rude and insensitive. These are some of the things my friends or/and myself have been told (luckily I have not been told every single one of these!):
- You have been married once, just do it at the courthouse (totally OK if thats what THE COUPLE wants)
- You have already been married or you already have a kid, you are not allowed to wear a white dress
- You have already been married or you already have a kid, you are not allowed to wear a long dress
- Why are you spending money on a wedding at your age or at your stage of life?
- You have been married once, there is no need for you to have a bridal shower.
- There is no need for your father to give you away, he gave you away once already.
- Why are you having a formal wedding, a fancy wedding, a whatever wedding (enter some other description here) if you have already done this before?
Here is the thing, that may be the opinion you have or the way you grew up and that is TOTALLY OK. However, when you say anything even remotely close to a bride like that, it is hurtful. If you are talking about a couple who has been married before or had a child before marriage, a lot of times there are struggles they went through to get to that point of joy and happiness they are at now! Many of which many people do not even realize.
In my case, I had a bigger wedding the first time. It was a beautiful wedding, but after the wedding, I went through YEARS of trials that people still to this day dont know about or need to know about. It took a lot to leave that marriage, and a lot of struggles. I wasnt sure that I would ever marry again. Getting this chance to me, is even more special then the first time (no offense to the past). I have got to experience bad and it makes me appreciate all the good SO MUCH MORE!!! I get to have my children all be there and be a part of the celebration!! I truly am getting a second chance and all of that combines is so much more special then I could ever even explain!! Why would I NOT want a special ceremony and reception to go with that? To me, it is a chance to show my kids, myself, and the world what second chances are about. It is a second chance to show them how amazing marriage can be and should be! That is just the best gift! For all of us!
Also, I know many people with a child before marriage feel the same way and get the same criticism!
Just because people may have went through some stuff or made some wrong decisions in the past, does not mean that their love and their relationship is any less special, meaningful, and important. That is what those comments mean to the couple, whether you mean it that way or not.
Go out and celebrate with them!!!!!!!!!!!! WEDDINGS ARE EXCITING!!!!! Enjoy this phase with your friends and loved ones! Through that party or shower with them or for them! Send the card! Say the encouragement!
I promise you when you take part in the joy, you will feel the joy and love as well. Nothing beats being a part of a second chance at anything!
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