When you go through a divorce (or any kind of grief really) its amazing
what can be a trigger to set your emotions off. Sometimes its little
things that make sense and other times its big deals that just get to
you, usually both come at times when you think your doing alright.
This past weekend I was having a pretty good weekend. Saturday I got to
work with one friend and got to do retail (which I LOVE working with)
and marketing, then afterwards I got to catch up with an old friend
which was amazing! Sunday I went to church and was in a pretty decent
mood. Worship was one of the best Ive experienced in quite some time.
I get my kids back on Sunday after church after they spend the weekend
with their dad. AND THEN IT STARTS TO HIT. I picked up my youngest
and one of my friends works in his class. She tells me there was an
issue in class, "OH NO!, Was he misbehaving?" was my thought. He was
refusing to participate and being his lately typical self and she was
lovingly firm with him. She spent some time talking to him and he
broke down crying telling her how much the divorce hurt him and how he
wanted me and the ex back together and wanted to have fun with both of
us (right now most of my time is spend homeschooling him, not easy in a
lot of ways but I am determined to finish the school year out as strong
as we can). She said she could tell he had been told more then he
should and was just having hard time with it all. It breaks your heart
to know your kids are hurting. Its one of the worst parts of
divorce! Truly. I was so very thankful for her being there for him
and that he felt comfortable enough to talk to her and be open with
her! That is one of my biggest prayers for my kids, that God will bring
others into their lives to fill in the gaps and be an example and help
in this journey! Even still, it took everything in me not to cry.
We get in the car and get ready to go to a movie (a rare treat for us, I
was only able to do so because I had gift cards I got for Christmas)
and it was a movie the kids were really looking forward to. They both
seemed not themselves at all. I finally got that they were concerned I
was wasting my money and shouldnt be spending money on a movie and had
had heard so from someone else. One child was concerned, another was
angry at me. THEN IT REALLY HURT! I did everything I could to not cry
(I often say I only cry in the shower or at night when everyone is
asleep) but I couldn't help it. I kept it down low, but tears still
were coming. The kids knew, which hurt more.
It started out being hurt for my kids, then angry the other person in
this tragedy was speaking necessary things to the kids (I URGE YOU WHO ARE GOING
THROUGH DIVORCE READING THIS, dont discuss grown up matters with your
kids! Dont even in the least belittle or cutdown the other parent no
matter how tempting it is! It causes way more grief in your children
even if you have the most honest of intentions). Then by time we got
to the movie it was just at me full force. All the whys and the how
comes and the pain of a bad marriage and the pain of losing your hopes
and dreams was just pouring out. I was thankful for the dark movie
theater and the loud noises. I was most thankful for the nice dark 3D
glasses, they hide tears so well! Nobody around me (not even my kids
thankfully) knew I was crying.
Now, I am sure some of you are sad, its OK to be sad, I am too,
especially at certain times. But crying is part of it. Feeling these
things is part of it! Its necessary to healing. If I didnt deal with
these things, it would just show up later on most likely even stronger.
ITS OK! I AM OK! We all go through hardships, we all have times we
just need to cry! Let it happen! Those are the times that we grow
through it I truly believe.
"The Hurt & The Healer"
Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from being explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains
So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through
So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it's rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"
I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide
[x2:]
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
And find Your glory even here
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