So as lot of you know I finally got my own apartment for the kids and I. This was a big deal! A good thing! I have never lived on my own before and a true side of independence. I am so thankful for all the blessings that have come with that! I REALLY AM!
A lot of you have asked how the kids and I are loving the new place? Well, it is great! It is nice to each have our own space again. I think it is helping the kids adjust better too because they feel at home now. They each have their own rooms that is 100% theirs and I can tell how much they love that. We have a pool (where the kids started making friends) and a playground (we have yet to explore). The maintenance guys are very nice and helpful and that is another good thing.
How am I liking it? That is always such a difficult question to answer for me though. I love having our own place and the feeling of independence and the empowerment that I CAN DO THIS! But honestly, emotionally it has been tough too. My whole life I wanted to be a wife and mom. And thank God nobody can take the mom role away (even if they try), but the wife role is gone. And I do not regret the steps it took to being here or regret being here, but it is sad for me! It is still hard to know that dream is gone. When the kids arent with me, that is the hardest time. Your thoughts go crazy and you get pretty low pretty quick. You wonder what about you was so unlovable. You wonder if you can still raise kids to grow and have healthy relationships. You sit in quietness just you and your thoughts and you catch up on sleep. Sometimes its a good thing, other times its very lonely. But even in the darker times, I KNOW that I have to go through that grieving process. Divorce truly is a form of grief. I never knew that, never understood that before. So even that, I am thankful for. I am glad I have had a good support group (if you are going through a divorce, find a DivorceCare group! It has been such a blessing to me!) and I am glad to have an amazing counselor and friend, and amazing friends who have walked beside me.
Thank you to all the people that helped me move and that helped me get stuff to make it home. I cant thank you all enough! Please continue to pray for my family and I as we walk down the new path of our life.
I am looking forward to getting things back into a routine. Slowly life keeps going on and every day we adjust more and it gets a little easier.
Tamara, I just wanted to share with ou something I read in a little booklet that I got from a wonderful friend. The booklet is by Beth Moore and is called "The Promise of Security." This was in the section - When you are looking for love...
ReplyDelete"If you've suffered a serious case of insecurity, you need to make sure that you're letting God tend to it. Putting up a front doesn't work. That neon light has a way of burning through every cover we put on it. God knows exactly what happened and what a toll it took. He knows the number it played on your mind. Let Him bring you peace. Let Him tell you you're worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and, yes, beloved, keeping. Whatever you do, don't reject the only One wholly incapable of rejecting you."
I cried after I read this, but how wonderful to know that God will never do to us what man has done to us. Love you! Stephanie (Divorcecare)