Although I love the movie Cinderella, I hate what it has done to the stereotype of step families! Yes, there are a lot of wicked stepmothers out there (it SHOULD make Biological mothers appreciate when they have a good one in their kids lives, but rarely works that), but there are so many good ones too!
I find myself in a weird stage of life. My ex has a live in girlfriend who is in the role of stepmother to my biological children. My boyfriend and I (we do plan on getting married but there is no official engagement just yet) treat our children as a blended family so I am in the role of stepmother as well. I am constantly trying to put myself in the other's shoes because I truly do see both sides when I live on both sides!
I love my stepchildren truly the same as I do my biological children and I am beyond blessed that my boyfriend says and feels the same for my biological children. There truly is no line for us, no his and hers.
I have several friends in similar or same situations as me. As stepmoms, we are aware and do not want to be here to replace the mother, no matter the state of that relationship. As moms, we worry about being replaced!
As the biological mother, it is so hard to step back and let someone else in to that spot of my kids lives. Especially when the situation arrives where we do not like how things are being played out. You have no control of what goes on there during that time. For me, if the kids are loved and treated fairly and with respect, I would be so happy! Ideally, you would be able to get along and communicate together well, although this seems to rarely happen and that makes me sad!
As the stepmother, I work so hard to show those kids love and acceptance and respect. I feel the struggle in my own insecurities to fight the stupid stereotype! When issues arise, I have never once talked poorly about the biological mother, in fact I have worked hard to encourage the relationship to flourish. However, as in so many cases, if the biological has ill feelings still towards the ex-spouse and the divorce, the stepmother gets the brunt in it.
What is truly heartbreaking to me, is it is not the adults who suffer in this struggle (although there are many tears from the adults too), it is the children! Children should be made to feel they can love all roles in their lives! Their loyalty should never be questioned. They should not feel guilty to enjoy time with one person over the other! And it happens SOOOOOO OFTEN! Why can not all parties just put their own feelings, thoughts, and opinions to the side when regarding the children and work together for the success of the children!?!?
They have counselors who specialize in family counseling and specifically blending families and efficiently co-parenting for the children. This is such a WONDERFUL THING!!! I honestly wish there were more conferences and such for this because it takes WORK from many people! Sadly, too many families will never take advantage of this because almost always, one party refuses to get on board, which I just have no understanding for honestly. Why would you not want to do something to benefit children if you love them? Why would you not want them to have the best chance at a successful life?
Here is the deal people, no matter what side of this journey you on, the key to success is YOU! Yes, it is horrific when the other party spews out hate and bitterness, I know this all too well and I have sat with friends in tears who struggle with this as well! But all we can do is our best! This journey can suck the life out of you, but make the conscious decision to keep moving forward! KEEP TRYING! One day, the kids WILL see your effort! It may not come for a long time, but thats sometimes the struggle in parenting, even in a complete natural form.
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