Discovering Tamara

 

I found when my marriage ended (and even when it was in route), I felt like I didn't know a lot of who my identity was.   In being in support groups and talking to other people, that is very common.   I think even as a stay at home mom that can be common sometimes.  I do not blame anyone beside myself on that.    I think for myself, I allowed myself to be so submerged into my children and my ex and his career (and enjoyed it most times) that I lost a lot of who the core personality of who I am.    When things were at their peak chaos period, I had a hard time answering the simplest questions about myself.    One of my mentors suggested something.   Make a list of simple questions and start really figuring out the answers to those.   It sounds silly, but it helped.  I wanted to figure out what I liked as ME!  Not as a couple, a mom, a family, just me with nothing else added.

• My Favorite Color:  Pink.   I kinda knew this, and honestly this will change depending on my mood.   But Green and Blue are a very close tie!  I also like wearing red!   I do not really like yellow and brown, bleh!
• My Favorite Food:   CUBAN!  I love me some Ropa Vieja, a piece of Flan, and a Jupina soda!  Burgers, Japanese, and Chinese come in second, but nothing makes me as happy as a good plate of cuban food!  Most people would be surprised, as much as I LOVE baked goods, I'd pick cuban food over even that!
• My Favorite Place:  The Beach.  I always knew this.  My love for the beach never ever left or was diminished.   But it was not until I lived so close that I realized what he beach meant to me.   Going to the beach helps re-center me.   I can be having the worst day and something about the sand and the waves and the endless horizon that just brings me back to a peaceful place.
• My Favorite Candy:  OK, there is no such thing as bad candy!  I have a major sweet tooth!   I will crave different candy bars at different times.   But Peanut Butter M&Ms are my favorite!   York Peppermint Patties come in second.  OH!  And ANGEL MINTS are ALWAYS ALWAYS amazing whenever you can find them! 
• I LOVE FLOWERS!   Flowers make me super happy!  Especially fragrant ones. I love walking in gardens (although I kill plants, no green thumbs at all, haha) and being in a flower shop.   My favorite flower is the rose, but I want them to be bright and colorful (not traditional).   The more unusual the flower the more I like it.  The brighter the better.   I also love hydrangeas and any tropical flower.
• I have a weird thing about drinks.   If someone knows any of my favorite drinks and brings it to me, I feel special.   Whether it be Cheerwine, Cherry Coke, Bubble Tea, or Pumpkin Coffee, there is just something about that that makes me very happy!
• I LOVE helping others!  For a long time I knew I wanted to go back to school at some point (its on the plan!) but I never could settle on a major.  Nothing ever seemed to be the fit for what I wanted to do with life.   I decided on Hospitality not because I love entertaining, but its a field where you work with others and can be helpful.   Anytime I can be of any type of help to someone, I feel the most happy and the most successful.  I am truly a people pleaser.
• I love comedy!  I forgot for a long time how to have fun.   I stopped laughing and being goofy.   I forgot how silly I can be.    But I love cracking up.   Just being silly and goofy in any way possible.   Laughter truly is the best medicine.   When I'm not wearing flip flops (that's not often) or having to dress professional, you will only see goofy socks on my feet.  I feel like it just makes the goofiness stay there.   I'm happiest when I am with people who make me laugh and we are comfortable enough to laugh together.
• I am creative.   I have always enjoyed crafting, that was always there too.   But the thing I love most about baking is it is a form of art to me.   I love combining flavors and colors and seeing what I can design.  I also really enjoy going to art museums.
• I love to travel!  I have not ever left the country or traveled to far away exotic lands (although I DO WANT TO!).  But even just traveling around my own town discovering new places is a favorite activity!
• I have a voice.   I lost my voice for a while.   I kept quiet and let myself think, feel, and believe things that were not true.   I became a bit of a doormat.   I spoke up occasionally, but lately, I am referred to as a firecracker because I hate keeping quiet now.   Some people who knew me before, say I was a firecracker back then and its clearly coming back.   Kinda makes me laugh.     Truth is truth.  And if people I love (friends, family, kids, teens, whoever) are being put at risk, Im gonna speak up and speak loudly until something changes.
• I am beautiful.  That seems even funny to type.  I felt and believed for so long I was unattractive.   There were parts of my body I HATED and even said Id have surgery on if I ever had the money.   A lot of those things are now gone.   I love my body (although there are parts of course I am not happy with, that is every persons concern I think).    I do not not wish to have any surgery (although Id love some invisalign braces or something haha).  I thought when other people looked at me, they saw something completely different then what is true.  I get hit on and asked out by guys quite a bit (its actually aggravating, some of you guys out there are obnoxious and disgusting, just saying), that was a shocker to me.  Still is at times.   I think that comes from when I look in the mirror I feel more confident, confidence equals beauty ladies!   When you feel beautiful, other people take notice.   Its a pretty awesome thing!
• I am outgoing.   This is old news to some of you.   I can be shy at first every now and then.   But I was paired with such an outgoing person for so long, I toned down some.   I am not the personality that likes to be the center of attention (I actually hate it) but I love being around others and talking and meeting people and making new friends.   I am not the person who can sit at home alone for long (it does have its place though, and being alone and doing things alone no longer scares me). 
• I am strong.   I kind of always knew this, but it was not as obvious.   I have endured a lot in my life but the last two years have proved I really can stand firm in major storms.  I may get shaken, but I will not crash.   I can be independent and I can make big things happen!   Just sit back and see what I make of my life because its not gonna be small! :-)
• I am passionate.  When I believe in something, when I make up my mind about something, I am all in.   I will do whatever I can to fight for that thing, cause, or person.
 

 

There is actually more to me then even that. (Some stuff I didn't want to share, haha)  I tend to be a complex person and that is OK!    I can be pretty difficult to figure out, but then when you do, Im your new best friend or little sister. :-)

I encourage any of you in a similar situation to sit down and just journal out as much as you can about JUST YOU!