The Overwhelming, Exhuasting, Scary, Blessed, Single Mom Life

So a lot has been changing in my life.   And I have to say it is overwhelming!   For the past 10 years, I have been a stay at home mom and a homeschooling mom.  I am the type of mom who loves to be around her kids.  Dont get me wrong, they drive me crazy at times.  Times I lock myself in the bathroom just for some silence.   But I love them.  I felt like they were/are my main purpose in life.  But all that has changed quickly.  I have been able to maintain being a stay at home mom with them during a lot of this change thankfully.    But I went from having my kids almost 24/7, to split custody and still homeschooling.  But NOW, Im on a new venture and its tough.  I knew this day was coming, but its not easy.

A lot has been changing in my life.   They are all good changes, changes I should be happy with, but man, they are tough! 

 I have enrolled my kids in public school.   I am blessed to be in a great district and that makes me feel better.   I think we have an amazing principal and the staff seem to really care about the students.  I cant wait to meet their teachers.   The school has an awesome arts program so that makes the kids and I all very happy.  Seth has his placement test tomorrow and Lillie will have hers soon too.   WHEW does that make me nervous!   As a homeschooler you always worry you aren't doing a good job or that your kids aren't up to par, now its getting put to the test!   I am the mom who will be as involved as I can be (which will be tough at times with everything else) in their schools and probably on the PTA.   But it is not the same.   I know it will be good for my kids, but I worry about Lillie with the learning disabilities getting stuck and left behind.  I worry about the other kids and how they will treat my kids.  God has them, and I know that.  But its an adjustment that is hard to process at times.

I am also moving into working mom mode.  This week I have had to arrange Seth some play dates.   He was super excited about it, but honestly, there was part of me that felt guilty!  I think about when they start school, I want to drop them off and pick them up (and I will be working hard to still make that happen!).  I want to be the one doing their homework with them.  But in all reality, I may even have to have a second job at some point.    I know the guilt I had though dropping him off at one day and I have a new understanding of what working moms go through every day.   Doing it alone though?   No extra person to help pick up the slack?   And going from one extreme to the other?  Just not what I pictured.

Im learning to adjust though.  Im researching easier meals.   Healthy things for packing lunches.  Im learning to make lists.   Im trying to find ways to make the other times we are together as special and fun as possible!  Im learning to accept help (and GASP!  ask for help!  EEK!!) from others.  I am learning that even though so often I feel like I am completely alone in this journey, I am not alone at all.   God has given me an amazing circle of family and friends!   People stepping up always to just take care of us.  Ive got people who have helped with the kids, who have helped get me much needed tires, people who have given me money for gas just because they sensed it, and so much more.  

As much as I am overwhelmed and scared of life, even more so I feel blessed to have all of you.  THANK YOU!   I will try to always remember that when the anxiety, stress, and exhaustion sets in.  WE GOT THIS!