Single Moms are amazing women! They are strong, tough, and have huge hearts. Those hearts are very hard to get into, but once you do, you will see a special kind of person. We do not have much time, so actually getting on a date with one of us is a special thing. Something we do not take lightly. Do not lose sight of that truth. If you are one of those guys who has your eyes on one of us, you are very daring! Haha. It takes a very strong, patient, special man to be able to date a single mom. Here are some tips that some of my single moms and I want to share (DISCLAIMER, No two women are the same, so some may not apply, and they are in no particular order). These are probably good tips for just dating in general too!
BE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT OUR TIME. We are very busy. Most of us are struggling with to balance out the responsibilities of being a mom (first and foremost) and bringing in income. If you do not have kids yourself, you really need to understand we just do not have a lot of free time. That means we do not have as much time to go out, to talk on the phone, or to text even as other women who do not have kids can. When we do have time, quite frankly, we are exhausted. There will be times, no offense to you, we just want to be left alone. We NEED our quiet time and our space in order to regroup so we can perform the million things we do to our best ability. What little time we can give you, please see it as a precious gift. Our time is very important to us, something we do not give up lightly.
BE REAL. Here is the thing, we are moms. We can pick up on the tiniest of details that may not match up. Its our super power. If we start seeing that, chances are your out. We do not have time to play with that.
BE REAL WITH OUR KIDS. If you get to the place where we let you around our kids, we want you to be real with them. We see through all the flattery, but so do they. Also, you have to be good with other kids too. If you are good with our kids, but you are not with others, its a sure sign you are just putting on a front. We do not want someone to come into our lives who will suddenly (or gradually) become someone different to them, we will be most guarded with them above everything else.
BE ROMANTIC, PAMPERING, AND CONSIDERATE. Most every woman likes the grandiose gestures, but single moms really love the small details stuff. Flowers are ALWAYS a good thing. Little notes, texts, any way you can make her feel considered will go a long way. Pay attention when she communicates. Asking her how her day was is great, but when you can ask how a specific thing went, even better. Remember, she is worn out, find ways to make her feel pampered. We are always taking care of others, so show her you want to take care of her. Do things so she does not have to think about all the chaos her life brings. You do not have to spend a lot of money, but do not be cheap. I had two moms tell me how they went on dates and the guy was always trying to find ways to make it cheaper (dollar menus, coupons, discounts, etc.). Guys, especially when you are trying to woo us, that is not a smart move. We want you, we need you to be smart with money, but we need to feel valuable too.
BE DECISIVE AND INTENTIONAL. OK, as moms we are always planning everything. Our days, our kids days, our kids activities and appointments. Do not make us plan our dates with you too. Let us have an opinion, and pay attention to what our likes our, but to tell a single mom you'll pick her up at this time and take her out and have it all planned, THAT will impress us! BONUS! If you help pay/arrange a sitter for the kids if she does not have an active dad to her kids, you just took impressing her to a whole other level!
DO NOT PLAN SURPRISES WHEN WE HAVE OUR KIDS. That will stress us out more then you can even fathom. We like to and need to be in control when it comes to our kids. We can not just go do some amazing thing you have planned at the drop of a hat. We have to find the proper child care, or if they get to go a long, there are a million little things you will not think of that will prevent us from really being able to enjoy it. Trust me, its a very bad idea. If you want to surprise us, do it when kids are not involved.
BE FLEXIBLE. Remember, we are juggling a lot of responsibilities at once with nobody to share it with. There is always a chance we may have to cancel a date at last minute for a million different reasons (Dr appointment, sick kid, change in schedule with ex, kids activity, etc). Be understanding when that happens. Understand we may not be able to plan and/or commit to anything far in advance. Because of our time constraints, you may have to meet us for lunch or breakfast instead of dinner. Just have a lot of flexibility and we will both have a lot more fun.
UNDERSTAND HER PRIORITIES. There will be a time where you most likely will not feel like a priority in her life. That does not mean you are one. Her priorities will always be changing every day (except the kids will stay top spot permanently). She may not even know what is on the top of that list some days because there are so many critical things that need to be taken care of. Be confident that she believed enough in you to offer her time, effort, and energy (very precious things) and that in itself means something.
LISTEN AND PAY ATTENTION. There will be times when we are literally aching for companionship and a grown adult conversation. We may go on and on about stuff you could care less about. But make sure you are listening attentively and paying attention to what we are saying. We can tell when your not and it really bothers us. BONUS! You may get hints to details to help with the above tips and you'll earn extra brownie points! If we feel like you really understand who we are, you will just dig yourself deeper into our hearts. If you take interest (doesn't mean you have to like them)in our interest, we love that. You only learn what those really are by listening and paying attention.
FOLLOW HER LEAD WHEN IT COMES TO THE KIDS. She is the expert to her children. Allow her to decide when is the right time and way to meet the kids. Whether it be a month, 4 months, a year, she knows what is best for them. When you do meet them, be natural and be yourself. Do not play "Daddy". Just be cool and fun. You do not need to buy their affection. Remember, if she has gotten to the point where she introduces you in any fashion, she trusts you, that is a big deal. When that happens, be willing to do kid things occasionally and dive into that world with her. Bonus if after dating a while, you plan activities with kids (Chuck E Cheese, mini golf, kid movie, go karts, etc)
DO NOT PLAY GAMES. If you wait three days to call her or any of those other dating games, she will not waste her time. Do not be flirting with other women. If we feel like we are having to compete on ANY level at all with another woman, we do not have time for that at all.
MAKE HER LIFE EASIER. Single moms do not like asking for help. Maybe its little things like making her smile, making her laugh, hugging her after a hard time (there will be plenty), taking our her trash, taking care of dinner on a day that she has too much on her plate (one mom told me a guy had delivery sent to her house already paid for with a little note, he wasn't even present and helped!). If we see that you are a help to us, we will not want to let you go easily.
FIND OUT ABOUT WHY HER RELATIONSHIP BROKE. This is by no means a first step or something you find out all at once usually. This is after she has become comfortable and over time. Learning this will help you understand her fears and apprehensions with you. It will help you understand her trigger points and how to guide into a successful happy relationship with her. (LADIES! DO NOT just pour this out immediately either!)
DO NOT TELL US HOW TO PARENT OUR KIDS. Enough said. This will be a sure way to make us angry quick.
DO NOT ACT IMMATURE. We do not want to have to take care of another kid or feel like we have to take care of another kid. This will be a huge turn off to us.
KEEP OUR RELATIONSHIP PRIVATE. This is not because we are embarrassed or ashamed of you. We want as little drama as possible. In the social media world we live in, drama happens quick and easy and spreads like wildfire. Remember, we don't just have ourselves to consider. We think about how EVERYTHING will get back to our kids and how that will play out for them. If we detect even a hint of any of this, it will scare us off. We don't like details about our relationship shared with others, and especially not details about the kids. It will take us a long time before we go public with our relationship for this very reason.
DITCH THE BATHROOM TALK. Look, we live in kid world. We are finally out of that and do not want to hear anything about farts, poop, burps, or anything remotely close. I have heard stories that the women just gets up and walks out. Its disgusting. Especially when you are trying to woo a girl. Let us see the gentlemen side please!
It may seem like a lot, but it is really! Most of us realize that and that's why if we are even giving dating you a chance, it is a special thing. You have proven to us that we see something in you that is worth going on this journey! Hope this helps! :-)
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